Skip to content

Immense Impact - A Local Story of Childhood Sexual Abuse - Ray Auclair

WARNING: Content may be disturbing to some readers It takes an enormous amount of courage to openly speak about a very dark time in your life in hopes of helping others.

WARNING:  Content may be disturbing to some readers

It takes an enormous amount of courage to openly speak about a very dark time in your life in hopes of helping others.  This courage must be multiplied many times when you are an exposed member of society. This was the theme at the Dante Club in Timmins Thursday night at an event to help raise money and awareness.

Ray Auclair, salesperson and former Timmins Counsellor is exactly that high profile individual willing to put out his darkest hours with the only dividend to him being the satisfaction of knowing that perhaps if he can provide the courage to another individual to come forward and save themselves from the psychological torment caused by abuse,  maybe, just maybe exposing his darkest hours to others will serve a purpose from such a senseless act.

Ray's story dates back to 1966.  Back in the days where cell phones didn't exist and a child's life did not revolve around technology, he would hang out with his friends at a local corner store and spend hours and hours outside talking about all the things teenagers talk about.  Like many other teenage boys, Ray had a fascination with cars.  He knew cars well and had a passion from a very early age.

One day, an older gentleman pulled up in a very impressive car.  Ray was immediately drawn to the car, along with his two friends.  He asked if he could see under the hood and after some discussion, the man asked the boys if they would like to go for a ride.  Now back in the sixties the world was a different place and we had yet to teach our kids about "stranger danger" and the multitude of safety talks we now put in place.  Hence, the boys did not hesitate to jump in the car  and go for a ride.  Once they were on the highway, the man asked the boys if they wanted to drive.  Being only 13 years old at the time, they all thought it was just simply too good to be true.  When advising they had never driven before, the man quickly assured them they would sit on him and he would help with the controls.

Sitting on the man, driving down the road in a most impressive car and suddenly the man starts touching Ray in extremely inappropriate ways all the while whispering in his ear to not say a word.  Confused and somewhat frightened, Ray did as he was told.  When the ride ended, the boys went their separate ways and they did not talk about the ride.

A few days later, Ray was alone when the same man asked him to go for a ride again.  He was very persuasive, smooth and coercive, as most predators are.  He groomed and intimidated. The visits progressed from car rides to visits in his home and subsequently his bedroom.  Ray was held captive by his feelings of guilt, shame, powerlessness, fear and anxiety to name a few.

The abuse came to an end, but the psychological scar remains to this day, over 45 years later.  The strength an individual must round up in order to live with the effects of abuse is unimaginable to me.  As a young adult, Ray turned to alcohol to numb the pain and keep the flashbacks at bay.  The alcohol, although helpful in coping with such pain also served to be the catalyst in a self-destructing lifestyle Ray had slid into.  He suffered in silence as many victims often do.  He did not know who he could speak to.  Who would support him?  What would people think if they knew?

Over time, the alcohol started chipping away at his marriage and Ray hit rock bottom when he came home from drinking one night and the door was locked, literally and proverbially on his marriage.  Although his wife had not given up on the man, she had to give up on the marriage until he made some changes.  Ray hit rock bottom.  Depression at its peak and having had suicidal thoughts in the past, hitting rock bottom seemed to seal the deal for him and the decision was made.  In a speeding car, heading down the highway past Kamiskotia, his mind was resolved that if he did not manoeuvre the corner, the end would be here and the life of guilt, shame and disappointment would end.

At the very last minute, he couldn't pull it off.  When his car came to a complete stop, in front of an Alarie & Sons sign that clarity came for Ray.  The word "sons" shone like neon to him as he thought of his young son back home.

Ray has been sober since that day and his wife is still at his side.  He was eventually able to tell his wife about his past and get some needed support and understanding.

As Ray began to open up, his friends encouraged him to talk to the police.  He felt that it had been so long, and he had never spoken up and therefore who would believe him?  Around that time, Theoron Fleury, a professional hockey player went public with allegations of sexual abuse.  He later became an advocate for victims of sexual abuse.  Recognizing the courage it took for Fleury to go public was the encouragement Ray needed to go to the police and subsequently the inspiration to make a difference.

Ray has since found out that his abuser committed suicide in 1995 when allegations of abuse at his hands were becoming known.  Ray has not had the opportunity to seek justice for the crime committed against him and his friends.  The early passing of one of his friends also meant that he suffered in silence and took his victimization to his grave, a pain in which Ray still bears to this day.

With the help of a sound support system, Ray has undertaken to become an advocate and wants all victims of sexual abuse, boys and girls alike to speak up and understand that help does exist and that they are not alone.

Ray's current mission is to raise funds to set up posters and eventually a billboard with contact numbers for support lines available to victims of sexual assault, particularly boys/men.  The services are limited for male victims of sexual assault but they do exist and Ray would like to raise awareness on these services with the goal of helping others find help and support.

 

In closing I wish to thank Ray for his courage in sharing his story and his enthusiasm in bringing awareness to this issue and making a change.